Not IF You Face Trials, But WHEN

***UPDATE: I wrote this post on Friday after we had our appointment with the specialist. Please note that Baby B's diagnosis has changed, but from Friday-Tuesday morning this is what we believed he had. I felt I should still post this because it is a part of our journey. Unfortunately his new diagnosis is not better. In fact, not that I wish he had a heart problem, but since he does I kind of wish it would have been this rather than the news we received yesterday (9/25/12)...I will post soon about what we have found out)***

Today we had our appointment with Maternal Fetal Specialists. Dr. Pohl referred us to the specialist after we had our 20 week anatomy scan because they were unable to get a clear picture of the 4 chambers of Baby B's heart. Our appointment was at 9:30 (really 10 but I had to fill out a huge packet of papers).  Shortly after 10 I was called back to check my vitals and leave a urine sample (what's new? haha). I was then sent back to the waiting room and Anthony and I proceeded to wait 45 minutes....yes, I was actually starting to get a little annoyed. Finally they called us back and we were taken to room one, the perfect place to take a nap! Dim light and no noise =) The ultrasound tech was very nice! Baby B was actually in a good position to check his heart so she went ahead and did that first. **his head was on the right side as well...every other time we've seen him he's been on the left, guess it was time for a change!**

We could definitely tell that this scan was more in depth as you could see the baby's blood flow in the heart (and other parts like the umbilical cord) with different colors on the screen. The entire week I had had such a peace about what we were going to find out at this appointment. I expected the tech to say "alright, I don't see any problems, baby boy is perfectly fine". However, as the scan continued and the tech remained pretty quite I felt in my heart that something probably wasn't right. I could tell Anthony felt the same way as he will usually talk to me and say "oh look at that", etc. She proceeded to cheack other parts of the baby (measuring the head, looking at the brain, etc) pretty much what my doctor's office had done last week. She also reaffirmed Baby B was definitely a boy! After the scan we waited for the doctor to come in and tell us the results. After about 10 minutes of waiting Dr. Read finally knocked on the door and walked in. He introduced himself and and asked why we believed we were here. I told him what Dr. Pohl had told us (about the 4 chambers and movement of the wall). He then proceeded to tell us that the baby did have something wrong with his heart. The next several minutes, we received what seemed like a whirlwind of information...

Dr. Read explained to us what he believed to be the 2 defects of Baby B's heart (this diagnosis will be confirmed at my appointment next Tuesday with Dr. Videlefsky, the Pediatric Cardiologist). 1) Transposition of the two great vessels and 2) Ventricular Septal Defect. So...what does that mean? Let me explain to the best of my knowledge, and I'm sure I'll learn more as we have more doctor's appointments:

1) Tranposistion - this basically means that the 2 main arteries leaving the heart are switched which does not allow adequate mixing of oxygenated and unoxygenated blood to mix.

2) Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD) - this is a hole in the heart. And, according to Dr. Read this is actually an ok/good thing right now as it is allowing some of his blood to mix.

The only way to fix transposition is with surgery, actually 3 surgeries from what Dr. Read explained. But, at least it IS fixable! What will more than likely take place (keep in mind this could change I guess, we will find out more next Tuesday and at another appointment that we will have with a pediatric cardiac surgeon). is after Baby B is born he will be given some medication (from what I've read it might be prostaglandin) and will then have to be stabalized. Once he is stabalized he will be transported to Elgeston Children's Hospital where he will undergo his first heart surgery. Now, I'm not exactly sure when the next 2 surgeries will take place, there was a ton of information to take in at the time, but I believe Dr. Read said all 3 surgeries would be completed by the age of 6 months. SHEW...what a lot to comprehend!!

It's kind of difficult to breakdown all the emotions and thoughts that were running through my mind while in the ultrasound room. Part of me wanted to breakdown and have a good cry, but the other part of me wanted to hold it all together so that I could understand everything Dr. Read was explaining to us. You could classify me as the "worrier" type, I am definitely the emotional one in the marriage...that's alright I'm a girl! Today I was not the normal "me"...I have no doubt the Lord held me together as we received the news about Baby B and all the things we learned we are going to experience after he is born. You know, you usually tend to say to yourself or to someone who is going through something big like this, "I have no clue how I would feel or how I would handle that! I don't think I would be able to...". But, you know what...you alone are not getting yourself through whatever trial you may be expriencing, it is none other than our Lord Jesus Christ! He gives us exactly what we need, He sustains us and holds us together when we want to fall apart. I have no doubt He was right there with us when we received this news, He had to be...because it is an unexplainable feeling of comfort and a clear mind that I had as Dr. Read was explaining everything to us.

As we were waiting for the nurse to come back in to let us know when our appointment would be, the song "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens popped into my mind... you can listen to it HERE. I have no idea what the Lord has in store for us and others during this trial. And, keep in mind He never said if you experience trials, but WHEN you experience trials. I do know He uses all things for His glory. I will just continue to pray for His will to be done and that some day I will understand why He allowed us to go through this. Maybe it is to draw us closer to Him, maybe it's so someone will come to Christ, I'm not sure what all the Lord will do from this trial, but I know it will be something! I will choose to accept it now and understand it later...

"If You Want Me To" -Ginny Owens

 

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

 

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to