And the Journey Continues

Almost a year into our journey and there was no baby in sight. I am usually a pretty positive person and like to look at things from an optomistic perspective. Anthony and I had been praying throughout this entire journey for His will to be done and for us to have patience and be still and wait on His plan. But, I must say as the months went by it grew harder and harder to not get a heavy heart every time we heard someone we knew was expecting a baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm always very happy to hear when those we love have a received one of God's greatest blessings!! But, if I'm honest I would sometimes catch myself asking "why haven't we received our blessing yet?".

I began nannying twin boys shortly after I graduated from college for a couple who was in our sunday school class. Brie and I would talk occasionally about what was going on and she suggested that if I really wanted to get a second opinion that maybe I would want to try the practice she went to. I thought, what the heck might as well, and I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Franklin. I immediatly fell in love with her. I told her about my previous doctors appointments and how I felt they thought I was still very young and how they had mentioned that I had "plenty of time to start my family". She immediatley took action and ordered more blood work (this time to check for things that were actually consistent with PCOS). I had mentioned how messed up my cycles were: 22 days here 40 days there and she prescribed me 2 prescriptions. Provera (to restart my period) and Clomid (to help with ovulation).

After I had my blood drawn I went and got my prescriptions filled and headed home to start the waiting game again. I was super excited because I had heard some good news about Clomid and for sure felt this was it, we would finally be able to get pregnant. I took the Provera on day 45 and started my cycle shortly after and began Clomid on day 3. I tested for ovulation starting on day 10 and to my surprise and disappointment, no positive result. I was scheduled to go back in for more blood work to check and see if I had ovulated and I remember thinking to myself, this is crazy I know I didn’t ovulate. The call from the doctor proved me wrong. According to the blood work I had ovulated (it just didn’t show up in my urine…so who knows if I was actually ovulating with previous tests I took. The blood work also came back consistent with PCOS. By the end of the month I had added to the number of pregnancy tests I had taken as well as to the number of negative pregnancy tests I had gotten. Granted that it can take more than one round of Clomid, Anthony and I had discussed and prayed about our decision to persue this first step in fertility treatment. We both agreed that if the Lord wanted us to have biological babies of our own, then we would allow Him to do so without the use of fertility treatments. **I know some have chosen to use the help of modern science and technology to help grow their families, and I think that is wonderful! We just felt as a family that that was not something the Lord was calling us to do**

Fast forward to November 2011 and adoption began popping up in my mind. Anthony and I had discussed this topic and had both agreed that we would love to adopt even if we had biological children. I'll add here that I was adopted and am SO SO thankful that my parents chose to adopt me. I feel a blog post coming on about that topic...I began praying about it and thought maybe the Lord was leading us to start this journey. Our youth pastor’s wife, recommended a book called Adopted for Life by Russell Moore. I began reading it and couldn’t put it down! Anthony and I also read it together at night until we had finished it. Let me say it is one of the most life changing books you will ever read. It puts such a different perspective on adopting and it’s something I would recommend everyone read. It out right asked us “did we want to be parents or just pass on our genes…”

 

I guess I should mention that during this whole journey we had not mentioned anything to our parents…nothing! However, my mom did find out I was not on birth control back in February when I had a kidney stone and went to the ER. She had been bringing up the subject on different occasions and I would always reroute our conversation. Needless to say I'm sure she was happy to finally have her answer! And, might I add..I have never been in so much pain before in my life!! I remember the nurse asked me as she was wheeling me down for a catscan if I had any children. I told her no and she told me that this was great practice for labor and that if I can get through this I can get through having a baby....I'm anxious to compare the two.

Who would have thought something this small could cause so much pain!!

As December approached us little did we were in for a big surprise...