A Day in the CICU

We spent about 22 days in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit (CICU). No one that I personally know (except for a few people I've "met" who's children also have HLHS) truly know what a day in the CICU is like. So, I figured why not write a post about what an average day consisted of! Hopefully this will help you get an understanding of how LONG but at the same time how SHORT the days were for both Anthony and I, and why we asked that people just continued to pray for us rather than come and visit.

After I was discharged and came to Egleston to be with Anthony and Josiah, I cannot tell you how many nurses insisted that I go home to get a good nights sleep. This may seem completely crazy to some. Anthony even had one lady tell him "over her dead body" would she leave her child. Wanting to be with your child 24/7, especially when they are in the CICU, is understandable. But, until you are actually in the situation do you fully understand that that is not realistic. There is no place for you to sleep, most of the time your baby is sleeping, and it can just get overwhelming being there ALL the time (you have to take a break). As hard as it was to leave Josiah, Anthony and I decided to make the 45 minute ride back to our house to get a good nights sleep. I am definitely glad we did. Nothing better to help get you back on your feet then to sleep in your own bed! **Egleston does have what they call "pods" that you can register for each morning to sleep in. Anthony and his sister slept in one the first night and lets just say...they are not the greatest...**

The day after Josiah was born and
after he had had his stent put in

Every morning I would call the CICU and ask to be transferred to whoever Josiah's nurse was for the day. I would usually call between 8-9 am to see how his night went and how he was doing that morning. You can call at anytime day or night, but they will also call you ANY time if anything were to happen. I knew everything was going ok if I hadn't heard from them, so I never called during the middle of the night. We were blessed to have about the same 3 nurses who rotated while Josiah was there during the day who were FABULOUS!! (We also had some wonderful night nurses as well) They were always so great to let me know if he had had a good night, how his morning had been so far, what medications he was still on, etc. Sometimes they were able to tell me a little more as to what the "plan" or goals were for that day, but usually I called before the doctors had done their rounds, so we would find that out once we had gotten to Egleston.

Anthony and I would then get ready for the day and then start making our way up to the hospital around 10-10:30 am. The doctors performs rounds twice a day (morning and night). You cannot go back to see your child until the doctors are finished so there was no sense in going up any earlier. The morning rounds were usually finished by around 10-10:30. Evening shift change usually started around 6:45 pm and so we would have to leave and then evening rounds began shortly after, ending around 8:30pm. So if you look at it, we really only got to spend between 11:30am-6:45pm with Josiah everyday. Sure we could have stayed and waited for evening rounds to be finished and then go back to visit Josiah, and we did that once. But, by the time 8:30 rolls around you are exhausted! We then still had the 45 min drive back home (go to sleep and then turn around and do it all over again)!

Daddy with Josiah the night they arrived at Egleston

If you are a breastfeeding mother then you are allowed 3 free meals a day (up to $6 for every meal). We never made it for breakfast, but I would always stop and get something for lunch and dinner (even if I only got someting to drink and/or some snacks...no sense in wasting that $6). Before heading up the the CICU, I would stop and fix myself a salad, sometimes I would eat it and other times I would store it in the fridge in the family center for later. Then we would head back to the CICU to see our little man. You definitely get to know the people at the front desk because you would have to ring the "door bell" before they would let you in everytime. Once they buzzed us in we would have to wash our hands before we could go to the bedside. The nurse would then give us an update as to what the doctors had discussed in their morning rounds for Josiah. These plans varried depending on how Josiah was doing. For example: if Josiah was still intubated, then they might slowly start to wean him off of it that day to work towards extubating him. Josiah was on many different medications and so they might start to wean him off of a particular one as well. They would also let us know how his chest X-ray looked.

I learned SO much from the nurses while visiting Josiah everyday. It was so fascinating to me what each medication was and what it did, as well as all the machines and pumps he was hooked up to, what every little alarm and beep meant when it went off. One good peace of advice I got from one of the nurses was "if you hear an alarm but you don't see one of us yelling for help, then just ignore it"...hahah...so true, because the alarms on the machines went off all the time!

Mommy and Josiah working on
sucking our pacifier!

Josiah was intubated 3 different times. The first right after he was born, after his surgery, and again after we had our little scare (I'll explain more about that in another post). During the days he was intubated, Josiah was usually just sleepy, since they were giving him meds to keep him pain free. So we would usually sit at his bedside and hold his hand, rub his head, kiss his feet/fingers, and just talk to him. We also asked for a CD player and we were able to play the CD I made for him before he was born. Once they started to wean Josiah off of the vent then they would also take him off of his sedation medications so he would be awake and alert to be able to breath on his own. Once he was more stable we were able to be a little more involved (ie: hold him and change his diaper). The hardest part about having your baby intubated is that they can't make any noise. It was so sad to see that Josiah was crying but not be able to actually hear him cry! When he was extubated we were able to hear his cries a little more but they were completely hoarse and very soft the first couple of days. He had such a pitiful little cry!

After spending about an hour with Josiah, it would usually be time for me to go and pump. There were two different lactation rooms I would go to, one in the CICU and one in the family area close to where the NICU is. Next on the list would be to grab something to eat and then go back to see Josiah again...and that was pretty much the cycle of our daily routine. See Josiah, pump/eat, see Josiah. And, believe it or not the day would be exhausting and would FLY by! Sometimes our parents would come and visit and they would go back to visit Josiah when we would go grab a bite to eat or I would be pumping. Many people asked about coming to visit, which we really appreciated. But, to be completely honest it was better to not have visitors. When Josiah first arrived we had to give the CICU 4 other peoples names that we wanted to be allowed to visit him. These were the only other people that were allowed to come back and see him (and there was no changing the list). This rule was in effect because of flu/rsv season, which I am all for (no sense in risking getting any babies sick). Therefore, if visitors were to come Anthony and I felt obligated to go and sit with them in the waiting area which would in turn take away from the time we got to spend with Josiah. We barely felt like we were able to spend a whole lot of time with him anyway (between taking small breaks, pumping, and eating). We truly did appreciate everyone's willingness to want to come and support us. Not visiting and just supporting a family by staying at home and praying for them is something you don't quite understand until you are in that situation (I know I certainly didn't realize how crazy a day was in here until we were living it).

As you can see, our days were pretty hectic. For Christmas, one of my gifts from my parents was red, white, and blue yarn. Mom thought it would be a neat idea for me to start crocheting Josiah's blanket to help keep me busy at the hospital. It was a great idea, but neither of us knew how little time you actually have to just sit around. Now we know!

Hopefully this gives you a little snapshot as to how life with Josiah was for the first 22-23 days. Never a dull moment to say the least!!

^"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens."

~Psalm 68:19

Josiah's Big Arrival

**Warning...this is LONG!**

As I am writing this, Josiah is snoozing away in my arms and it makes me feel SO beyond blessed to have this little miracle finally home with us!! It's crazy to think the following events I'm about to write about took place about 5 weeks ago..where does the time go??

The day had finally come. The day Dr. Pohl had schedulded me come to the hospital to be induced (January 22nd at 7: 30 pm). I honestly wasn't a big fan of being induced at first. It was the strangest feeling walking into the hospital, completely fine without any contractions...but I didn't really have a choice and it ended up being alright when it was all said and done. We pretty much had everything ready to go. We had our overnight bags packed and Josiah's diaper bag packed (just in case we were able to go home). My parents came over to keep me company and to help make the day go by faster. We also took a quick last minute trip to Sams to  pick up a few things I knew we would need once we got home from the hospital (whenever that would be). Once Anthony got home, I took a shower and he vacuumed the house. 6:30 rolled around and I called to see if the hospital had a room available for me. They gave me the green light and we had about 30 minutes before we had to make our way to the hospital.

Once we arrived I checked in at the front desk and we waited about 20 minutes before we were taken back to a room. Our Sunday school teacher was out of town that week and hated he would not be able to be there to come visit and pray for us. His sweet wife Sheryl decided to fill in for him. The labor and delivery room was pretty nice and spacious. But, it was crazy to think that this was the room I would be delivering Josiah in...I'm not sure why, it just was? Anyhow, we got settled in and I changed in to the very attractive hospital gown...Sheryl stayed and visited with us for about and hour and then prayed for us and left. So thankful for that family!

Let me just say, my experience at Gwinnett Medical was fabulous. I couldn't have asked for nicer nurses the entire stay. Dana, my night nurse came in and asked several questions and then said it was time to get this show on the road. She inserted the Cervidil and there was no turning back. Shortly after, another nurse came in and started my IV. I was also hooked up to the monitoring devices and learned that I wouldn't be allowed to get up and walk the halls or anything because of new restrictions/guidelines from the cervidil...being hooked up to monitors 24/7 until pushing started was no fun!

Anthony and I spent the next hour or so talking, watching some tv, and I filled out a little bit of Josiah's baby book. Dr. Pohl prescribed me an Ambien to help me sleep that night. I didn't want to take it at first, but I'm glad I finally did as I started to have a few contractions. The Ambien totally helped me have a good nights sleep.

7:30 am rolled around and my morning nurse Lynne walked in. She introduced herself, took out the cervidil and said I was allowed to take a quick shower if I wanted to before Dr. Pohl came to break my water. I could definitely feel some contractions going on so a shower sounded like a great idea. Anything to get out of that bed! Anthony helped me to the bathroom and I got ready to take my shower. Now, I would consider myself a pretty modest person. However, during the experience of childbirth, modesty pretty much goes flying right out the window! Here I was standing totally naked getting ready to get in the shower and in walks Lynne (I can't remember why now). Oh geez...it's more embarassing remembering it now than it was when it actually happened.

After my shower, I got back in bed and enjoyed some apple juice and strawberry jello (which did nothing for being hungry, oh well) and about 30 minutes later Dr. Pohl came in to break my water. He showed me what he would be using to do it and I remember telling him it looked like a ginormous crochet hook! The whole process took a few seconds and I instantly felt like I had involuntarily peed myself, haha! Anthony watched and told me later it was so weird!

Now, let me mentioned to those who didn't know, my original plan was to try to have Josiah without an epidural (although I wasn't opposed to getting one if I couldn't stand it). We read books and prepared as much as possible, but the whole being induced thing completely threw me off! I planned on walking around if I felt like it (no go because of the Cervidil). I also didn't want anyone except for Anthony in the room so it would be quiet and I could concentrate, again, that didn't happen. About an hour after my water broke I started having some insane contractions. I remember my mom walking out of the bathroom during one of my contractions and she was being really loud. I remember being extremely irritated and told her (not so politely) to be quite (I actually told her to "shut up"...give me a break, I was in crazy pain!). Finally everyone left. Another reason I wasn't able to completely relax was because I was hooked up to all those stinkin monitors.

This must have been during a bad contraction because
 I have ZERO recollection of this photo ever being taken

After about 2 1/2 hours of crazy contractions, I told Anthony I wanted that epidural! It took about 30 minutes before the anesthesiologist came in. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, and let me tell you, the BEST thing ever!! I actually took 2 naps the rest of the afternoon..it was heaven! Funny thing, I remember asking Anthony how big the needle was while I was getting the epidural. Being the intelligent man that he is, he replied "oh it's not bad at all"...later he told me the thing was huge!

Feeling much better!

Now, I know I've mentioned how phenomenal our cardiologist Dr. V is, but let me tell you...that man called 3 times to check on me and to see if Josiah had arrived yet. The NICU team also called down about 4-5 times during the afternoon to see if it was time for me to start pushing as well. Apparently they had been preparing for like a week for Josiah's big arrival. One of the nurses that day even told us we were like "celebrities" everyone had been waiting for Josiah's delivery date...lol! I had no idea! **We had our first cardiologist appointment yesterday and one of the nurses said she over heard one of the doctors say after my delivery that it was like they were "delivering the royal baby"...haha!**

5:30 pm rolled around and Dr. Pohl came in to check me. He said I was fully dialated and gave me the go ahead to push! Lynne explained to me how and when I should push and we were on our way. Now, I've heard from some people that because of their epidural, they couldn't feel the peak of their contraction (the best time to push). My epidural was great and I only "upped" it once right before pushing. I could feel the pressure and the peak of every contraction and when it was time for me to push.  The first 30 minutes of pushing were draining! They had put a mirror at the foot of the bed and I would look after everytime I pushed and think "oh my gosh this is going to take forever"! At about 6:00,  Dr. Pohl came in and got all "suited" up. The NICU team made their way in as well. Every time I tell people about delivering Josiah, I tell them it was like we were having a party in the room!! If I had to take a guess, I'd say there were about 9-10 people in the room, including anthony and myself, during the last 15 minutes of pushing. It took another couple of rounds of pushing and then Mr. Josiah made his big arrival at 6:14 pm!! I'll never forget seeing his head come out and telling Anthony "look he's almost here!". The feeling of first seeing Josiah is something that is unexplainable. Nothing but pure love and joy of finally having him here, but then anxiousness as to how he was doing "health wise". I specifically remember only hearing him let out 2 cries. Dr. Pohl immediatly started the whole sucking out his mouth, etc. but no more cries came. A lady from the NICU yelled out "1 minute 8 seconds Dr. Pohl". A few more "suctions" and Dr. Pohl handed Josiah over to the NICU team. At that moment I lost it. I'm sure it was a mixture of hormones, emotions, and not knowing how my baby was doing. They had him in a NICU bed next to mine and 3-4 nurses were surrounding him all working on getting him stablized.

 

Right before leaving for the NICU

The next 15 minutes consisted of Dr. Pohl finishing up working on me and the NICU team working on Josiah. One of the nurses said a couple of times "look, he's looking over at you", but I could barely get a glimpse because of all the nurses surrounding him. Finally, they had finished stabalizing Josiah and they wheeled him over to me so I could at least get a good look at him. He was perfect even with the breathing tube stuck down his throat. I don't think we've gone a day without someone saying how alert he is, and let me say, he was just as alert right after birth. He was looking right at me and I was able to hold his little hand for about a minute. One of the nurses was able to take a couple of pictures with my phone, which I am thankful for! After my "time" with Josiah, they quickly whisked him away to the NICU (to do an echo on his heart) and Anthony followed. There I was by myself with Dr. Pohl and my nurse Lynne. Our parents were able to get a quick glimpse of Josiah as they wheeled passed them on their way to the NICU and then they came in to visit with me. About 30 minutes later Anthony came back to the room to tell me they were about to transport Josiah to Egleston. Our family left so we could have a little time with each other before Anthony went to go be with Josiah. I can't really remember what all we talked about during that time, but I know there were tears. Anthony did tell me Josiah Weighed 7 lbs. 6 oz. and was 20 1/2 inches long! After about 15 minutes we decided it was time for Anthony to go so he could be at Egleston once Josiah got there. We said our goodbyes and he was gone.

Josiah's sweet ride for Egleston

One of the nurses that rode with Josiah to
Egleston took this for me

And that was that..I was alone, well not really alone, of course I had my parents and my in-laws there, but the most important two people in my world were gone. However, for the next 1-2 hours I didn't really have time to lay around and cry, there was too much going on with visitors coming by. I am thankful for that because it kept my mind off of what reality really was. Around 9-9:30ish they finally moved me to a 2nd floor room. We had decided that my mom would spend the night with me so I wouldn't be by myself. We got all settled in and about 30 minutes later dad came back with, you guessed it, my salami sub from Publix!! I can't remember if I ever blogged about that, but I had been craving a salami sub from Publix from the time I was about 5 months pregnant, and I told everyone that that was what I wanted after I delivered Josiah. It was heaven! Anyhow, another sweet friend came by to visit for a little while, and at about 10:30pm she and my dad decided to let myself and mom get some sleep. And that, is when reality really set in. All of the craziness of what had been going on since 6:14 that evening had finally settled down. I actually had time to stop and think about how I was "here" and Anthony and Josiah were "there". That is not normal...and I pray no one ever has to experience that. I felt completely helpless, lonely, and aching to be with my husband and baby. But, I had no choice.

I some how managed to get some sleep that night, but 7:00am came quick. I ordered some breakfast and started eating a little bit until my phone rang. It was Anthony and he had an update. Dr. V (Josiah's cardiologist) had mentioned before Josiah was born that he might possibly have what was called a restricted atrial septum (ASD). That would mean he might need a procedure done before he had his actual surgery. And he did. Anthony had called to tell me that they were about to take Josiah back to the cath lab to put a stent in his heart. Even though we knew there was a possibility of this happening, it still didn't make it easy to swallow that our 1 day old baby was about to go back for a risky procedure. At that moment I think everything finally set in and I lost it, I burst into tears, and Anthony and I both cried on the phone. Mom came over, hugged me, and just started praying. I can't really explain my emotions at that moment. I felt completely helpless and just wanted to be with Anthony. It wasn't fair that he was having to go through all of this without me there. He had mentioned on the phone that the doctor who had read him the consent forms didn't have the best "bedside manners" and told him bluntly everything that could go wrong. I can't imagine having to hear that just one day after our son was born.

I finally gathered myslef together and ate about 1 more bite of my breakfast because frankly I didn't have much of an appetite anymore. At about 9:00 Dr. Pohl came by to see how I was doing. He asked how I felt and told me all the things I needed to avoid and also do once I was discharged. He then told me as long as I took it easy he was going to go ahead and give the "ok" for me to leave. He didn't say it, but I knew he knew I wanted to be with my baby. I was shocked! I honestly didn't think I would be discharged until later that afternoon, but I certainly wasn't complaining! The next 2 hours, I met with the lactation consultant, my nurse, and I also took a shower. I couldn't wait to get out of that hospital and get down to Egleston. At the same time I knew I needed to take it easy and tried not to rush myself. After signing some forms and getting everything packed up, the nurse wheeled me down to my parents car and we were on our way to Egleston at 11:30 am.

We finally made it to Egleston about 40 minutes later and I was greeted by Anthony and my father -in-law with a wheelchair. They informed me that I was not walking around the hospital and so they insisted I let them push me around. Funny thing, the first wheelchair they brought was a child size one...hahah and there was no way my butt was going to fit in that! Thankfully the information desk had one and let us use it. I'll never forget when Anthony finally wheeled me back towards the cardiac ICU we ran into one of the ladies who worked at the front desk, Marcie. She couldn't believe I was already at the hospital and asked if I was sure they didn't just let me out on a pass. I assured her I wasn't, and thought in the back of my mind..I'm not quite sure what the point of a pass would be, lol.

After washing our hands we were allowed to go back and see Josiah. He was in the same bed space as the little girl we had seen when we had come on our tour/consultation back in October. My precious little boy was hooked up to all kinds of IVs, a breathing tube, monitors, and not to mention he was very swollen from the procedure. He looked so helpless, but he was the most beautiful little thing I had ever seen. I was so glad to be there with him and Anthony. We spent the next hour or so just sitting with him, holding his little hands, and talking to his nurse.

First time getting to see my little man when I got to Elgeston

Like I have said all along. I am so glad that we found out about Josiah's condition before he was born. It allowed us to somewhat prepare for what was going to happen, but lets be honest, there is no way to absolutely prepare yourself for what we actually experienced. All of the events, emotions, etc. it is something I pray no one I know ever has to go through. It is such an unnatural way to experience the joy of childbirth. At the same time, that was our experience. God chose us to go through that. It's definitely not something I enjoyed or would ever like to do again. Frankly, it flat out stunk! But, that's our journey, Josiah's journey, and we can never change that. I thank the Lord each day for a little miracle...and that is exaclty what he is as you will come to find out as I continue to fill you in on his story...

First family picture together

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever"

~Psalm 136:1

 

 

Drum Roll Please....

JOSIAH will be here next WEDNESDAY!!! 

 

Holy smokes, I can't believe it!! I know we are down to the wire anyway but to actually KNOW when you're going to have a baby is exciting and nerve racking at the same time...

 

I had my weekly visit at Dr. Pohl's this morning. I went in expecting that Dr. Pohl might mention we would discuss a date for induction at my next apppiontment, but never would I have thought I would

be walking out today with a business card that had the date and time of a scheduled induction date for next week! My blood pressure was again around the same as it was last Friday. I asked Ms. Pam if that seemed high, and she said "well it's a little on the high side, especially if you compare it to what yours normally is". I also asked if it was normal for your blood pressure to rise a little bit the closer you get to delivering, and she said not usually.

 

Once Dr. Pohl arrived, he measured me and checked Josiah's heart rate. He then checked to see if I had dialated anymore. I am still 50% effaced, Josiah is still engaged at a -3, and I'm at 1 1/2 maybe pushing 2 cm. dialated. So really, not much has changed, but Dr. Pohl was still very pleased and again stated that this was good for a first time mom. The next words that came out of his mouth I was totally not expecting..."Well it looks like we should plan on having a baby next week!"

What!?!?

I asked if he was serious and then said "well it sounds good to me. It's real now". I think I was still in somewhat of a nervous shock. I shouldn't be, I mean Josiah has to come out at some time, but I guess I was just thinking we would get closer to his due date. The main reason for inducing next week is because Dr. Pohl believes I might possibly have a slight case of preeclampsia, based on my elevated blood pressure, a little protein leakage (not too sure what that is, but I'm guessing he was talking about the protein in my urine), and my low platelet levels.

 

The plan is to go in Tuesday evening at 7:30 pm. Dr. Pohl said he would break my water come Wednesday morning and we would have a baby sometime after that! He will also notify Dr. V and the NICU so they can be ready and there for when Josiah makes his big arrival. I called Anthony after my appointment and explained everything to him. I don't think he was expecting to hear me tell him we would be having a baby next week! Now we for sure need to finish that childbirth book, haha!

 

WOW, I can't believe that's only 5/6 days away!! I am definitely ready to meet my little man and for him to have more room to stretch out, I'm sure the feeling is mutual =)

 

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever"

~ 1 Chronicles 16:34

Week 37 OB and Specialist Appointments

I was officially 38 weeks Tuesday! I can't believe Josiah will be here in 13 days or less...wow! So, I've been on the routine of OB appointments on Thursdays and specialist appointments on Fridays for a couple weeks now, and usually they consist of the same ole, same ole. This past week turned out to be a little more interesting then usual...let me explain...

Thursday:
I had my appointment with Dr. Pohl at 9:30 last Thursday. Everything looked good (blood pressure, weight, etc.) Dr. Pohl didn't check me this time because he said usually nothing major happens within a week, fine with me! I did have to sign the consent form for the hospital. And let me say...I think I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing some of the risks they listed for a vaginal birth! I know they have to list every possible thing that could happen, but still, not the best way to start the morning! The only thing Dr. Pohl mentioned was that he wanted to recheck my platelet count. It was apparently somewhat low back in July (man that sounds SO long ago) when they ran all my bloodwork. He mentioned it was at 181,000 and that the anesthesiologist usually won't give an epidural (if you decide to get one) if it is below 100,000. I asked him why it would be low, and he said that sometimes when you get pregnant, your antibodies will attack your platelets...lovely. Before I left Ms. Pam took some blood to recheck my platelet count to see if it had changed.

Friday:
My appointment at Maternal Fetal was at 1:15. They seemed to be extra busy, but the nurse called me back pretty quick. Here, the nurse will usually ask if I've had any: cramping, contractions, headaches, vision changes, swelling, etc. I answer No and then they take my blood pressure and check my heart rate. For the record, I have never had a high blood pressure reading. It is usually average or a little low. For whatever reason, today my blood pressure was a little on the high side. This kind of caught me off guard, because I had just had my blood pressure checked yesterday at Dr. Pohl's and it was fine. I also mentioned to the nurse about my platelet count and she wrote that down on my chart. After this I was taken by an ultrasound tech back to another room to do a scan of Josiah. Everything looked great and we even got a couple cute pictures of his face! Oh, and his estimated weight was 7 lbs. 2 oz.! After the scan I was off to yet another room to wait for one of the doctors (I never know who I'm going to see). Shortly after, in came one of the nurse practitioners. I've seen her before and she's very nice. She mentioned Josiah was doing great and that we couldn't ask for anything better =) She then went on to say she did notice that my platelet count had come back low (the results from yesterday had come in too). My platelet count had gone from 181,000 to 108,000 (an average count for a woman is 266,000). Because of my low platelet count and my blood pressure reading a little on the high side, she mentioned that she wanted to completely rule out preeclampsia. Apparently low platelets can be a precursor to preeclampsia.
How do you rule out preeclampsia you might ask...good question! Let me tell you about my little experience on Monday, called a 24 hour urine sample!

**A little warning. This whole 24 hour urine sample thing may sound pretty gross, and that's because it IS gross, so I appologize in advance**

Before I left Maternal Fetal, I was given a "goody bag"...more like a Kmart bag filled with an orange jug and directions...The nurse explained what I needed to do and I was on my way. Anthony had worked a little overtime but was home by the time I got back from my appointment. I couldn't wait to explain to him what I had to look forward to all day Monday. Long story short...starting from the time I woke up on Monday until the same time Tuesday morning I had the fun job of having to collect my pee EVERY time I went to the bathroom, SICK! But wait, it gets better...I had to store the orange jug in the refrigerator!! Oh my word..talk about an experience. I couldn't go anywhere because I pee every 10 minutes. I did however, fix 2 meals to put back in the freezer for when Josiah gets here.

Anyhow, Tuesday morning finally got here. Thank goodness, for 2 reasons: 1) I was tired of the whole process and 2) I would have needed another jug if I had to collect anymore pee! As soon as I showered and got ready I started toward LabCorp to drop off my "urine specimen" and to get some more blood drawn. Luckily one of the LabCorp locations is in the 575 building across from the Chick-Fil-A so it was close, unfortunately it was a gross day out and here I was having to lug around this container of pee and an umbrella. Now, I'm pretty use to awkward moments as I feel I experience them a good bit sometimes, but this moment might possibly make my top 5 list...nothing beats walking into a relatively small waiting room filled with people, with a huge orange container filled with pee, going up to the desk to sign in, asking what I should do with this jug, and knowing everyone is staring at you....how embarassing!! Anyhow, they called me back fairly quick and drew some blood and I was on my way.

Just in case you're curious here's the "orange jug"

I will be completely fine if I never have to go through that whole experience ever again. But, I am happy to report that my results came in yesterday and everything looked fine! No preeclampsia for this Momma! My platelet count even went up a little bit from 108,000 to 116,000. Please say a little prayer that that number continues to go up as Josiah's due date approaches. Dr. Pohl said he wanted to recheck it so we will see.

Thank you everyone who has been praying for us and our little man. He will be here before we know it and I can't wait to introduce him to all of the prayer warriors that have been so fervently praying for him. We love you all!!

Remembering Baby Shiloh

A week ago today (January 4) was the 1 year anniversary of miscarrying Shiloh. I can't believe it's already been an entire year...I guess life has just become a little hectic since then and has made time fly. To be completely honest January 4th came and went and it didn't even hit me. Last weekend we had our last 2 showers and the one on Saturday was at our house. That meant we had to do some cleaning and straightening up and with all of that going on, I hate to say it kind of slipped my mind. I hate the way that sounds, as I don't ever want to forget about Shiloh. He or she was our first baby and always will be, even if it was for a few short weeks...

When I finally had time to take a breath this week, I reminisced about the day we found out we were expecting. The excitement of seeing that positive pregnancy test (and the second and the third..) and seeing Anthony's reaction. The anxiousness of scheduling that first doctors appointment, and the heartache that followed the day after my first appointment. I don't think I'll ever forget all of those emotions, and that's okay I don't think I want to. Forgetting all of those feelings and days that followed would feel like I would be forgetting the impact Shiloh had on our lives. A picture of the pregnancy test is the only physical thing I have to remember Shiloh so remembering those feelings is just another way of reminding myself about Shiloh.

Shiloh,

I am so thankful the Lord chose me to be your Mommy. You filled our hearts with such joy for those few short weeks I was able to carry you. I can't wait until the day when I get to see you and put a name with a precious face. Until that day we will keep you in our hearts forever. Your brothers and sisters will always know that they have a brother or sister waiting for them in Heaven. 
Enjoy your days with Jesus and we will see you soon!

"He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds."

Psalm 147:3 

3 More Weeks...This is Getting REAL

I realized today that we are truly in the home stretch! 3 more weeks..seriously?? I don't think I'm ready. Let me take that back, YES I am ready, I sometimes just don't feel like I am. Being ready means facing reality, but it also means a LOT less trips to the bathroom, being able to sleep on my back and stomach, and to finally be able to tie both shoes without having to take a break in between!!

Back to the whole reality thing...let me be clear, we haven't given up on belief that the Lord can heal Josiah, and that's what we're praying for. I find myself praying mostly for His will to be done. Ultimately it doesn't matter what I want, it's what the Lord wants. As January 29th gets closer and closer I find myself day dreaming more about what life will be like shortly. It can get overwhelming if you let it. I have found a few families out there that have babies with HLHS. I've learned to not put all of my hopes in one family's success story or all of my fears in another family's devastating experience. Every family that I have followed has had a completely different journey. One family I have really been following lives in Louisiana. Their son, Carson, is 7 weeks old and has been in the CICU since he had surgery the day he was born. I ask that you keep this sweet baby boy and his family in your prayers as they have a long road ahead of them. Pray for healing, strength, and understanding as I can only imagine what they are going through.

I now have weekly appointments at both my OB and the specialist. The specialist appointments are starting to get old...real fast. Thankfully I only have 3 at the most left! Last Thursday Dr. Pohl tested for GBS and also said I was 1 cm dialated, 50% effaced, and Josiah was fully engaged...now if that doesn't make things seem right around the corner I don't know what would. Dr. Pohl also mentioned that he didn't want me going past my due date (January 29th) so we know little man won't be coming late! His reason for this was he didn't want to risk anything (ie: meconium stained amniotic fluid) for the sake of Josiah's heart condition.

Sleeping is still miserable! I wake up to pee/turn over around every hour and a half. My pelvic bone will sometimes pop as I roll over, awful feeling! My heartburn has slowed down a good bit, so no complaining there =) I don't think I've had any false contractions, at least none that have gotten my attention. Other than the whole sleeping bit, life has been pretty normal! I've slowly but surely been getting the hospital bag ready, but some things you just can't pack until the last minute. Now that all of the baby showers are over we have been organizing and putting things away in Josiah's room. While doing so, we've realized this kid has more clothes! I'll have to change him 3 times a day so he can wear all of his 0-3 month things =)

Now time to go get ready for our hospital tour, so exciting!!

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

~James 1:12~

Can I Step on my Soapbox for a Minute?

**This week has been busy but slow all at the same time! I had 3 doctors appointments this week, 2 for the specialist and 1 at my OB. Dr. Reed (the specialist) was worried about Christmas messing up my routine appointment so he had me come in on Friday...haha, whatever! But, I'm sure poor Josiah is tired of being poked with the ultrasound machine!! It's like he knows everytime we're at the doctor. He refuses to move when we're there, but as soon as I leave or get home he's squirming all over the place!**

Anyhow, this morning before I started my mission of baking peanut butter brownies, I was watching a little tv and eating breakfast. Anthony was getting ready to go play a round of golf...he might be a little crazy since it's cold and windy out! I can't remember what I was watching (or if I was even really watching, I was also trying to finish up a crochet project) but a commercial came on for the "HurryCane". It's an all-terrain cane that can also stand up by itself. Anthony by this time was in the kitchen and he heard the commercial and said "we should have gotten that for you mom for Christmas!" He was completely kidding of course. However, it did get me thinking...

Many of you may or may not know that I was adopted (that should be a whole other blog post), but to make a long story short I have a huge family because I keep in touch with both of my biological parents. A lot of people find this very interesting but to me it's just normal. It's always fun to answer the question "do you have any siblings?" Well...yes I do...lots: I have 3 older brothers and then I have 5 biological half brothers and 3 biological half sisters, but I basically grew up as an only child. So, how does that work? I have 3 older brothers, but they could technically be my dads! The youngest one is almost the same age as Anthony's parents I believe.

It can be quite a confusing to try and explain my whole adoption story. The easy short way is: it was a private open adoption. The long confusing way if you're up for it is: My mom's (and when I say mom I'm talking about my adopted mom, because she IS my mom) brother married my biological mom's aunt. Of course my mom and biological mom didn't know each other tho. Anyhow, my parents had just married off the last of my 3 brothers and had attempted to adopt a sibling group, but that fell through. Shortly after that my mom's brother contacted my parents and asked if they would be interested in adopting a baby. That baby just so happened to be me. So...had I NOT been adopted I would still be related to my mom's brother by marriage (he would be my great uncle), and I probably wouldn't even know my parents. But, since I WAS adopted, he is my uncle. Confused yet?? That's alright...it doesn't really matter anyway, we're just one big happy family!!

Okay, back to my point. My parents were grandparents when they decided to adopt me. I mean, dad was about to turn 50 and mom was 47/48 when they brought me home! To most of you that probably sounds absolutely crazy!! Many times throughout my life (mostly just through school) I had people ask if those were my grandparents, haha! It never really bothered me tho. The only thing I still give them a hard time about is that they were always party poopers when it came to New Years Eve! Other than that..my childhood on up was the same as any other kid. Mom was able to stay home with me and then eventually worked part time while I was in school. Dad still worked and coached me for many years in softball...he was even my catcher when it came to pitching lessons...poor guy I think he still has a bruise on his leg from all those drop ball pitches...sorry about that dad!

So what am I ranting about? Over the past couple of months I've either had or heard a few different conversations where people have said things like "there's no way I'd have another kid at this age" or "I'm through with mine, it's my time to enjoy now". Now I'm not saying going out and adopting a baby at the age of 50 is what everyone is suppose to do. But, it just irritates me that some people think they've earned the right to their "own" time once they hit a certain age. To so quickly dismiss the idea if a child was to end up on their doorstep is just sad to me. They have no idea what they could be missing out on. I count it an absolute priviledge to have had "older" parents. I grew up listening to the oldies on the radio with my dad, I definitely know a few "older" sayings, and I think I learned to hold a higher respect for the older generation (where some kids today have absolutely none). Not only do I think I benefited from having older parents, but I believe my parents benefited as well. If you were to run into my parents today I guarantee you would not guess their age correctly, or that they have 7 great grandchildren and almost 9 grandchildren. They have been very blessed with great health and have aged fantastic. I fully believe when you let yourself "get old" then you most certainly will. Something happens to a person when they stop being active. I'm sure I certainly kept my parents on their toes for many years! Not tooting my own horn, because I think the benefits were mutual. Now, look at these pictures and tell me if you'd ever guess mom is 72 and dad is 74!! Sorry mom, don't kill me for posting your age, but you look GREAT so you shouldn't be ashamed!



This picture was taken in April '12

This one is a few years old, but trust me, he hasn't changed!

This is probably the most recent one of both of them

The Bible tells us that children are a blessing (Pslam 127:3-5). It should not matter what age you are. There is no age limit for a person to stop having or adopting children (granted I'm not saying someone should adopted a baby at the age of 80, let's have some common sense). And, please don't tell me you want to have all of your children at a young age so you will be able to enjoy them and your grandchildren and not be "too old"....

And now, I will step off of my soapbox! All of that from a silly cane commercial...I better go check to see how my brownies turned out!!